| 119 reacties

tags: Ervaringsverhalen

De alleenstaande vader

Deze week een blog van een alleenstaande vader. Waarschijnlijk ook erg herkenbaar voor alleenstaande moeders.

"Over het algemeen genomen, gaan bij een scheiding de kinderen veelal met de moeder mee. Dat is in onze maatschappij zelfs vanzelfsprekend. Soms wordt er gekozen om een co-ouderschap aan te gaan. Maar in een heel enkel geval gebeurt het ook dat de kinderen bij paps achter gelaten worden... dat gebeurde mij dus."

En dan sta je er opeens alleen voor

Ik was 32 jaar, onze kinderen waren 7, 3 en een half jaar toen mijn ex een punt achter ons huwelijk zette. Ik was sinds de crisis al anderhalf jaar werkeloos en aan het einde van mijn uitkering besloten we dat ik verder zou gaan als huisvader. Maar toen ging ze weg, de kinderen bleven bij mij en ze vertrok naar een stad 100km bij ons vandaan. Het leek allemaal zo snel te gaan. Het ene moment ben je op vakantie en het volgende moment sta je daar. Achter gelaten met een hoop vragen en verdriet. En niet alleen dat van jezelf. Ook dat van je kinderen.

Nieuwe leven als alleenstaande vader

Geen werk, geen inkomen, een 6 maanden oude baby met een klompvoet en de nodige zorgen, twee oudere kinderen die vol vragen zaten. Met veel hulp van instanties heb ik die periode rond kunnen breien. Een uitkering bij de sociale dienst aangevraagd en zo, alles zo snel mogelijk op de rit getrokken. Maar daar sta je dan ineens... De Alleenstaande Vader.... Het romantische beeld van vrouwen die in katzwijm vallen voor de tedere aandoening van papa en zijn kinderen, ik kan je vertellen dat is een droombeeld. Ongeschoren in een shirt dat ik in alle haast heb gegrepen probeer ik de kinderen naar school te krijgen, de hond uit te laten en het huishouden op orde te krijgen. Dat ging, zeker in het begin, niet vanzelf! Ik heb daarin een routine moeten vinden. Een routine die ik, zodra er een verandering plaats vindt, binnen een seconde kwijt ben en mijn huis een oorlogsgebied lijkt.

Man, wat is dat zwaar! Ik poets snoeten, verschoon luiers, was, kleed en verschoon nog alles drie keer per dag. Zodra mijn kinderen iets aanraken, zijn ze vies. Theoretisch is het onmogelijk, maar geloof me, ze krijgen het voor elkaar! Ik ruim op, ga door het hele huis, maar als ik twee stappen heb gezet, ligt het er alweer! Ramen lappen, je doet het, maar dezelfde dag nog lijkt het viezer dan die ochtend... Het komt een man niet van nature, ik zag, zeker in het begin niet, wat er allemaal moest gebeuren... een troost, je leert het wel en als ze dan ‘s avonds allemaal op bed liggen en de rust is daar, dan kun je genieten... ongeveer 5 minuten, want daarna val je op de bank in slaap.

Daten

Man, het is anderhalf jaar geleden, waarom ga je niet lekker daten? Ik hoor het wel vaker. Daten? Daar heb je twee dingen voor nodig die ik al een hele tijd niet meer heb gehad, tijd en geld! Één weekend in de twee weken heb ik het rijk voor mezelf. Die tijd heb ik nodig, en hard nodig! Om achterstallig schoonmaakwerk voor elkaar te krijgen. De weinige sociale contacten die ik over heb gehouden, te onderhouden en heel even een momentje voor mezelf vinden door op de motor een blokje om te gaan. Daten? Een alleenstaande vader met drie kinderen, waarvan één met gedragsproblemen, en een bijstandsuitkering, ja dat ligt goed in de markt mensen. Nee, voor nu focus ik mij wel op mijn kinderen. Want de eindconclusie mag duidelijk zijn. Als je kinderen je spontaan knuffelen en zeggen dat ze van je houden, of met een vers geplukt bloemetje (sorry buren!) voor je binnen komen wandelen, dan smelt je en dan besef je dat je zo ontzettend trots bent. Daten komt later wel, voor nu ben ik lekker de Alleenstaande Vader.

De nieuwste blogs en nieuwsartikelen als eerste in uw mailbox?

Reacties

  1. Yvonne - donderdag 04 juni 2015 20:48

    lieve alleenstaande vader,
    Het klinkt alsof je het allemaal geweldig doet!! Hoe zwaar het ook is, en hoe graag ik ook zou willen zeggen (na eigen ervaringen): nu weet je tenminste ook eens hoeveel werk en tijd erin gaat zitten en hoe zeer je jezelf niet opofferen voor je kinderen.... Dat weet je inmiddels....
    Je hebt de liefde en waardering van je kinderen!!! Je hebt misschien geen direct antwoord op hun vragen, maar je bent hun papa, ze houden zielsveel van je (zo klinkt het), dus wat je ook doet (al is t in een oud ongewassen t-shirt), ga zo door! Dat daten komt idd later wel, wanneer jij eraan toe bent!!!

  2. Hans - donderdag 26 januari 2017 02:17

    Ik heb momenteel ook de Hoofdzorg voor m'n zoontje van 7. Ik had werk wat ik twee dagen in de week vanuit huis kon doen. Dat vervalt in april. Ik heb ook een koophuis .. Wat gebeurd daarmee mocht ik in een bijstanduitkering terechtkomen. Of geen werk kan vinden waarbij ik de zorg kan combineren ?

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  4. lies - maandag 04 september 2017 16:42

    hoi alleenstaande papa's

    ik sta wel open voor een relatie evt.samenwonen.
    Ben een leuk uitziende vrouw van 42.
    Graag hoor ik van jullie

    liefs lies

  5. voor Lies - maandag 06 november 2017 13:42

    Misschien ebn ik al te laat, maar ik als alleenstaande vader met 3 kids, kom graag in contact met jou Lies......Hoe doen we dat?

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    https://www.ass79.com/avata ― 온라인바카라
    https://www.ass79.com/mgmcasino ― 카지노추천
    https://www.ass79.com/blog ― 생중계카지노
    http://www.sscc79.com/ ― 생방송카지노
    https://www.ywh27.com/ ― 바카라추천
    https://www.kwh27.com/ ― 생중계바카라

  117. ravi reddy - donderdag 16 mei 2019 15:37

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