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tags: Tips en adviezen

Hoe check je of een kind iets uit z’n eigen hart zegt?

Tijdens en na een scheiding moeten veel beslissingen genomen worden. Wanneer de kinderen jong zijn, beslissen ouders voor de kinderen. Maar wanneer ze wat ouder zijn is belangrijk dat kinderen betrokken worden bij het maken van beslissingen. Daarnaast wil je ook graag weten wat het kind zelf wil, zodat dat kan meegenomen worden in de beslissing. Wanneer ouders niet meer goed met elkaar kunnen communiceren en er veel achterdocht speelt is het lastig deze beslissing samen te maken. Hoe check je of een kind iets uit z’n eigen hart zegt, terwijl je zelf het gevoel hebt dat het is geïnstrueerd door één van beide ouders? In deze blog geven we tips voor professionals en ouders.

Voor professionals: open houding en doorvragen

Een goede manier om meer zekerheid te krijgen over hoe je informatie die het kind verteld kunt interpreteren is het verder verzamelen van informatie. Dat kan door met beide ouders een open en onafhankelijk gesprek te voeren. Tijdens het gesprek met het kind is het van groot belang dat je een nieuwsgierige, open houding blijft aannemen en zo weinig mogelijk eigen interpretaties gebruikt binnen het gesprek. Blijf vragen stellen over hoe en waarom zodat je steeds beter de positie, gedachten en gevoelens van het kind kunt begrijpen. Met behulp van deze houding kun je zoveel mogelijk voorkomen dat de invloed die ouders ongetwijfeld hebben op het kind, gewild of ongewild, een te grote nadruk krijgt bij wat het kind kan vertellen.

Besef dat een gesprek met een kind over het onderwerp scheiden ook voor het kind nieuw en confronterend is. Afhankelijk van de leeftijd van een kind, heeft het tijd nodig om zijn/haar gedachten te organiseren, te evalueren en te duiden om ze vervolgens zo weer te geven dat jij als hulpverlener of advocaat begrijpt wat het kind eigenlijk probeert te vertellen. Dat is voor een volwassene met stress al lastig, laat staan voor een kind.

Tips voor gescheiden ouders

Niet alleen professionals maar ook als ouder wil je graag dat de andere ouder niet de kinderen beïnvloedt.  Wanneer je dit toch vermoedt is het belangrijk om hierover met de andere ouder in gesprek te gaan. Probeer daarnaast ook een open houding te hebben naar het kind. Zeg niet: "moet je dit van papa/mama zeggen?"

Kinderen zijn loyaal naar beide ouders en willen vaak de andere ouder niet kwetsen. Zo kan het ook zijn dat het kind bij de ene ouder een wenselijk antwoord geeft voor die ouder en bij de andere ouder een wenselijk antwoord geeft dat die ouder verwacht. Het zou dan mooi zijn om samen met je kind in gesprek te gaan en ook samen te kijken wat de beste beslissing is voor uw kind. Gaat de communicatie met uw ex-partner moeizaam en krijgt u steeds ruzie? Lees dan het E-book met tips en adviezen om deze negatieve cirkel te verbreken en de communicatie te verbeteren.

De nieuwste blogs en nieuwsartikelen als eerste in uw mailbox?

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